So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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