just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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