Where is the hickey?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
