I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
