I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
