awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
