when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
