I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
