think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why do cheetos always look like penises
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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