Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
