she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
