Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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