and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
