went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
