they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How does it feel to date your dad?
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