I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
