I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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