ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
