are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
