Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
