I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
