I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Panties = found
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
