hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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