I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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