I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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