There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
