My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
