i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
