WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
