So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
