Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
