a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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