I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
