watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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