I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
