Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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