Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize