I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize