I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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