do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
