NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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