1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
