I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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