I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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