yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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