i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
