I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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