you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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