I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
