Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
