i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
