I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
