Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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