very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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