I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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