The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
