I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
