What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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