i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
