I am puke
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize