im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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