It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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