I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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