I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
