he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
