Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
