Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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