I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
