I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
