I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sarcasm needs its own font
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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