I looked at my own cervix.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
