One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible