Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
