her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
